You can start out pondering one thing, being inspired, thinking, this is my type. This is where I fit in and clash with innocence… This is going to be great and… subdued.
You are in a completely different place. Another state of being, mind. Your memories are no longer real, though you long for them with the pit of your stomach, with that gauzy feather-like place some where under your skin between your eyes. You want to grasp them, no feeling within can illustrate how much you long for them, need them.
In a book I just read today, a character said this “it’s like a song, that you will never hear again. Your favorite song.” I could say it no different nor could I say it in a better way, for when you start to put behind you what you‘ve unintentionally lost, that song, it bites and kicks inside, begging for your attention, you need it and it needs you. You have it.., until a noise, until you notice, until a remark in some part of you brain, until you come back to revisit…except for when you need it most…except when you try. But if your soul finally says goodbye…there it is, kicking and screaming in the calmest way. It’s a tantrum for you, a peaceful tantrum.