Wings.

When you are wearing everything in life as an accessory, and put the sturdiest things on as shields, the things you control completely, things aren't supposed to hurt.

But what if wings where only an accessory in the beginning. and now.. they're my tool to freedom. A real part of my soul, and a huge enjoyment.

Well I lost my accessory, the most important one, the one I was so spoiled by, the one that taught me the most about success and freedom... About expression and self-worthiness.

So while the clouds hang waiting for miss scarlet to tickle them by zooming through the dew, I'll be setting here.. staring at them... missing the feeling of wet hair on my back and wind giving me goose bumps. I'll be looking up at them wishing that I could drift through them again and forget about the world, but without my wings, the best I have is memories.

I hope they understand why I don't whip through them and close my eyes feeling there happiness rapping around me anymore. I hope that they know I long for them just as much as they long for my smile, and I hope they know, I'll try to recruit someone who can love them as much as I did.

Hard to believe anyone could love them more than I do..did...I do.

I can't believe its happening.

Dear fatuous person,

I hate how such a dull, stupid person can just come and take things they don't even mean to. How someone unable to adapt to their circumstances, can dig deep without even meaning too. How they can make me think I'm going mad over something I own, and how they don't know that I like to keep the boat in the ocean. My boat, your ocean. You'll never own my boat, just like I'll never own your ocean. I love my boat more than I love the ocean or the land. I love my boat more than I love the planet, take one small thing when you have the ocean? I don't think so, because you have no control, when I am the eye of the storm. You officially have every right to stand still, because after all, you don't have near as much control as you think.

because

Cry in a rainstorm because you’re happy. Eat a banana because you are craving an orange. Laugh when it hurts. Sigh because you are hyper. Listen to techno because your craving folk. Play guitar because your annoyed. Walk because you wanna run. Run because you can fly. Find someone like you because you don’t think your like anyone else. Kiss the (FACE) cheek because you miss lips. Rewind forward?

I’m into that.

Just do that smile again.

Forget about the things surrounding you, think about the cold chills. You want to cry, Hold it back, later we are going to laugh. Take his hand, forget all the wrong in anything and dance like the end of the world is coming.

Regret is for past.
Love is for now.
Forget is for the future.

Broken isn’t in your category. Laugh it off, be tuff. ;)

mistake

Theres this thing. Called history. Yeah, so check this..I'm the big shot that can change history and I'm going to.

Okay your right. I full of ...balogna. But dosn't it sound nice?

Peace princess..

I felt correct placement. No need to be alone. I finally was free. The breeze finally caught my hair and the sun made me glow. I was a princess, a unique (not so royal) princess. Elegant but flaw full. And not to elegant. Just enough.

I brought out the good in everyone and cried only to God. I matched my settings but stood out enough to be noticed from blocks. I liked being alone, but not isolated.

The princess is coming back and would be delighted to go unnoticed.

In my life, there's "me" and then there's my shell.

And while the "me" part should be the most important, I gather happiness in my shell before I allow it to get to "me."

My shell holds all the things I have not yet came completely vulnerable to, as well as things that I have been vulnerable to and decided/was-pushed to re-evaluate the objectives of that/those plural noun(s).

My shell is my life. My "me" is my soul.
Though things are turning out for "me"..
My shell is looking ruff.

I know that there are places that have been worn over time in my shell.
Some of those places have let me become vulnerable to things that normally I'd learn to scold at bitterly...

I am learning to deal. "me" is growing. Learning. Shell is suffering and needs to be rebuilt. So now I'll transfer to the outside and look in. Now I will search as I can and learn from plural noun(s). I will be extremely vulnerable, but I must rebuild my shell. I must start over again.

I will still have the past. I will still reminisce, I will build slightly onto what I have learned...But I will toss my old shell. And I will make a new one that is stronger and shelters me more. I will find one that may not shine with natural beauty but can be painted over time to become interchangeable. I will sit in my filth for one more day, and then move on.

My shell is bruised but me???
I'm just dandy.

(I'm not loosing my shell to damage, I'm building a new shell for improvement.)

wanna trespass?

So it seemed a lot more complex(and maybe it even was) when it hit me, but today I realized... EVERYBODY has there own little world and they have it EVERYWHERE. (yep, I saw it in walmart..everyone feeling different you know??)

My dad was stopped by some old wrinkly people today at walmart..and they exchanged memories and thoughts about many different things, and I noticed...It really brought them back to that place and time...even to events they hadn't actually even witnessed. (of course I was observing this because to me.. these people were just my dads memories in a more wrinkly form maybe..) Every now and then I would dip my feet into there reminiscing pool.. but for the most part.. I just thought. Thought about what was going on..on the surface.

Dipping my feet in everybody's rivers, trying to understand why they were doing what they were doing... Some of the people looked like they had nothing on there minds but the product in hand, while others were involved with the person they were accompanying a bit more. I realized the reason being aware is a good thing when your in a bad mood... That's because everyone has there little town or even big world... but at the same time.. you may walk in there world (or town) sometime... and at the same time they could possibly walk in yours... and who is to say trespassing has to be bad??

If you want to run through someones field you have to know your limits, you have to hide your spray paint and you have to try love.
Jump on the bus?

Tonight.

I just want to let go. I want to rub dirt in my hair and rub my eyes with the back of my hands.

I want to stretch too much and laugh like I'm evil. I want to scream until I make myself sick and pull grass out of the earth,I'll try and attach it again. I want to rub my face in the dirt and kick rocks. I want to stand up real straight and bark back at the coyotes.

Tonight I want to let the wild out. I don't want to hold back ANYTHING. I can have the most amazing memorable Friday night...All by myself. And it's not gonna be pretty.

Tonight. I. Scream.

I want grit in my basket.

The rain is.. different, rain. Today tears have every right to take place under my eyes forming puddles on my pillow and forcing air out of my lungs as I notice I've now done it, I've now let go, and I know it's real now... But in the different rain I see mud puddles like a little, excited child with new rain boots might.

I'm not looking at the rain and thinking what a dreary day. I see lots of uncomfortable things out of the window, and I want to be a part of it. I'm not worried about the cold or my clothes. I'm not worried about what I might eat later or getting that loverly puncture in my skin to make way for that needle to pierce my vain again, I'm not worried. I just need to be a part of the rain.

I need to run and roll, not worrying about the result of it all. I need to throw mud and make a mess of myself. I need to believe no one is watching. I don't want a nice warm shower waiting for me, I don't want fleece p,j.'s folded up with there newly washed sent. I want to belong with the mud the dirt. The grit is all mine today and I want to be part of it. I want to laugh when no one can hear and scream and not have any idea. I want to wipe tears of my face with a muddy hand and touch every leaf on the tree. I want to lean against the bark and feel the texture of everything.

I'm craving texture and I'm in the need to fill my basket with something different. No more shiny crystals or nice comfy pj's, I wanna fill my basket with grit and make it look used. I want to make it mine and make no one else want it. I want to be alone with the dirt. With the texture. With the grit.

So I've been told.

That I'm a sarcastic little beast.
And
That I over-analize everything but what a average girl does.

I've been told I should put more into my human relationships,
Less into things that don't give back...
That is bull.

Relationships and giving back. ha.ha.
I don't believe that way.

God gives...nature. Nature gives off my happiness. I'll give to nature.
I'll give to God. I'll give to everyone. But I won't depend on anyone other than God who gave me nature. I apprishate that.

Dependent on the right things. So if you told me other words. Rethink.

Nah.

To be ashamed.
feeling shame. Guilt. Embarrassment. Remorse.
Circle embarrassment.

Jealous.
Thoughts. Feelings that occur. Valued relationships being threatened by a rival.
Circle Rival.

Get over it.
Circle nothing or it won't make sense.

Future

Underestimated words and a breeze that is the least bit tropical,
We're months away from the oceans and we live in the world.
Not as obvious as it used to be, not that it ever was.
I'm actually not oblivious, I notice everything that happens,
I'm only oblivious when it comes to a person. A people. You people.

I carry confidence buried just barley under skin cells,
I'm no longer far from the surface.
Sometimes like claws when we speak, you scratch, even when supporting me.
You dig, not scratch, but as you bring out my confidence, I become confused.
Though you bring it out to the surface you steel it all for yourself.

You make me sick.
You will make me well.

Night, remember the day.

Did you see that?
Summer just passed me.
I felt it.
The excitement stung my chest and shocked my hart.

Inhaled crisp fall air.
It circled me, tickling my back,
straightening my posture,
smile. If only for a moment before a puzzled confused look
sends you to winter.

You dare yourself to jump in the snow,
Your so close and
BOOM. It's gone, you didn't even get to feel it, though as
you enter spring your nose still feels nipped by the cold.

Laughter, and surrounding joy.
You have to smile. Have to.
The bird chirps and you know.

Tuff times pass,
and you have no idea that you still have the night to make it up.

Don't read ahead.

To the person who did not paint my colors,
To the person who did the worst damage to my confidence,
To the person who laughed when I was hurt,
To the person who changed their unfair mind in my soul,
To the person that took my wings away and held me down,
To the person that showed me I over analyzed everything,
To the person that told me what I didn't want to hear,
To the person that figured me out and doesn't even really know it.

To the person who brought out the colors I already had,
To the person who told me the cold, hard truth to help me out,
To the person who taught me to laugh when it stings,
To the person who showed me everything happens for a reason, worst can turn to best,
To the person that made me take the right path, even if it took force,
To the person that showed me how to use my annoying values to my advantage,
To the person that told me things that REALLY changed everything for me,
To the person that taught me, this is who you where meant to be, without a word.

Your my best friend.
I love you buddy.

Together in the end?

You'll teach me and for once,
I'll be okay with that. I'll surrender to that.

I'll forget all the other worlds I was in as you tell me something off subject.
You'll flash that smile and I might laugh.
You'll make brownies that look goofy.

I'll probably push you down a hill.
You'll be freezing,
I'll be quite for a minute as I realize the way snow crunches from under me.
I'll feel heavy, lay down, and roll down the hill.
The wind will chap my face and I'll think of a random Disney character to speak about.

Come up with a mouth full of snow and a pout.
You'll laugh at me and I'll throw a snow ball at you.
I'll play "can't touch me" for weeks, days and hours.

You'll smile.

I'll get the hot chocolate going, and you'll push the chairs by the fire.
Once again I will giggle, but this time halt and look at you.

The fire will crackle and with time I will fall even farther and farther into a trance set by the nature we surround ourselves with.
I'll steal your burdens and feed them to the moon.
Our purity will fill the room.
And our innocence will smile. I think I will too.

because I know more than one way.

One day holding hands in the beginning.

I desire that guarantee feeling I wish I could give to you. I could say-so. I’d verbalize it, “here I am, take it or leave it, the way I do.”

No joke. I won't rupture the way some do and I won't cause discomfort often. I'm fixable with a flower or two and some cool air. It won't take long to get me to smile and I don't need all the rage these worldly days.

On occasions I grow to be more precious though you didn't know I was capable and I will hold my mug and sway back and forth by the fire while you sing the confession of falling to me and I will watch you fingers strum against the strings to you guitar, you’ll teach me, and laugh at me when you start to see I really am musically challenged. I will laugh. I will journal on the floor and cuddle only with my blanket.

Get me?

Out of context.

One headphone. no. NOT headphones.
Head.Phone. one headphone.

I hate how that is all that your good at anymore.
I saw so much more in you than that.
I guess I shouldn't have expected.
Expecting is bad for us all.

Not just some of us. But the PURITY, the excitement of it all.
But then I'm overly frustrated and it all makes perfect since,
I can't leave but I want to leave.

It's not an option but it NEEDS to be...
before I know it though..there I am ..forgiving you.
Again.

Eventually, I'll never be done.
Eventually, was a week ago.
You think that I am using my words out of context,
but I mean just what I said.

Hey, maybe I'm out of context today.
You don't get it do you?

Lost in the time, of time, in the lock of the world, in which, I lost time.

You don't understand because your not suppost to. Becasue I don't want you to I suppose. Because it's crazy personal. CRAZY. but I need to get it out, is it out?

The wind kisses me in a way that is peaceful, not seductive

I feel the passion I'm crazy thankful for.

I adore it.

I feel the wind in my hair and the soft grass under my feet. The strong air enters my lungs and I can't help but finding the place that I want to be in life.

It's my real pleasure.

It's great. It's not better, it's best.

It's to good for words, and great for breathing.

Lovely for sprinting. I'm IN love with it, I'm passionate about it, and you can't take it away.

CAN'T.

The wind kisses me in a way that is peaceful, not seductive, all I can do is love.

That is what makes me the free spirited kid I am.